It’s Over

I’m done grieving for the loss of the person I used to be, the human doing. She was the one that was over-scheduled, dependable, diligent, and got everything done on time. Although I am still the later, I have officially gone from human doing to human being.

At first it felt like a loss of status. The conference calls were non-existent, the phone ringing after each call to recap the meeting and discuss next steps, and the constant ding of emails coming through. All of those things validated me and suddenly they were gone. I felt like I was no longer needed. Then my dog of 14 years died and she no longer needed me.

In this life we all suffer loss and grief. Grieving for the one you used to be is not talked about often, although it’s very real and needs to be prepared for.

Six months after leaving my day to day work of thirty plus years I finally feel I am beginning to decompress. No longer do I jump from thing to thing to thing, checking tasks off the list and adding new ones. I find that it’s good to:

  • Take a break from being on the computer all day
  • Let go of thinking what’s next on the list
  • Read a book for pleasure
  • Connect with friends for a relaxing evening and just visit rather than something to schedule in between work
  • Play in the garden and maintain it and see the fruits and the flowers grow
  • Watch television. I am amazed at how television has evolved and the relevant issues that are dealt with. All TV is not a mindless adventure to just “veg” while on the couch. (I’m just learning this now.)

All of the above have helped to make me feel relaxed and like I have grown into a more interesting person. I talk about other things beyond my work.

So what am I doing? I am:

  • writing a book
  • doing volunteer work for causes close to my heart
  • cultivating new relationships
  • learning new skills
  • and sometimes: sitting, doing nothing, listening to the quiet

It was worth it, the many years of working with an eye on the future. It will happen to you too. Be ready to embrace it, grow through it, and enjoy the next phase of your life.

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